Getting older is a strange thing. When you're younger, you can't wait to be a grown up. But when you're a grown up, there are times you don't feel it. I was listening to the radio the other day, and the DJ was talking about an article that he read about today's twentysomethings. He was saying that the people in their early twenties now are a lot less mature than their counterparts 30 years ago. With the ease of technology, and going to college on "Daddy's dime" has caused their maturity to slow. The DJ was interviewing a prominent Christian artist while discussing this information, and he asked her what it was that made her feel like a grown up for the first time. She had mentioned that she felt grown up for the first time on her 23rd birthday.
Although there are many times that I feel like a grown up (like every time I've had to price shop for major appliances such as washing machines and deep freezers), I still struggle with the feelings of being a kid. I feel young. In many ways, that's a great thing - I'm able to play without shame with my kids. Other ways, it's really been a hindrance.
I know I've written about such things recently, (http://semi-deep.blogspot.com/2007/09/semi-deep-thoughts-for-thursday.html) but I guess I just keep coming back to it. At what point are we grown up? At what point are we able to feel confident enough to share with others our wisdom. I am not considered old at 32, but at the same time, I'm not considered to be very young either. I don't exactly know where I fit at times, and how to go about sharing my experiences with others.
I'm learning more and more that I'm a writer by nature. This was not something that I wanted to be "when I grow up", but it's something I've become. In my writing, I want to share my experiences and revelations about the matters that are near and dear to my heart: marriage, parenting, and growing in God. I struggle, at times, with sharing things on these subjects. I really wrestle with wondering if I'm old enough, and wise enough to give advise on topics as monumental as these. What if what I write about parenting when the boys are young, and as they grow, things turn out to be the opposite of what I wrote about? What if I write about conflict resolution in marriage, and then have a huge fight with Michael that I can't resolve in the manner that I once wrote about. I don't want to be a hypocrite, especially with the life altering subjects that God has placed on my heart. But I'm hearing Him tell me, more and more, that He's going to give me the wisdom, and He will work out all the details. I'm learning that as I seek Him more, the fear fades. As I walk in His will for my life, and write about the things that He has placed in my heart, then it is His wisdom I'm imparting to others - not my own.
Michael and I have long held a different belief of the verse Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." We've both been taught an interpretation of material things. If you follow God, He'll give you that nice car, or that big house. While that may be true - He does delight in giving you blessings, Michael and I have really felt a different heart behind that verse. We have felt God give us desires in our hearts. As we delighted in Him, He gave us the desire to be married to each other. As we delighted in Him, He gave us the desire to be parents. As we've delighted in Him, He gave Michael the desire to worship Him with music. As we've delighted in Him, He gave Michael the desire to pursue photography. And as we've delighted in Him, He's given me the desire to write about marriage, parenting, and growing in Him. He's given us the desires of our hearts.
And because of that desire that He's implanted in me, I'm going to trust Him with my words. I'm going to trust that as I write about marriage, parenting, and growing in Him, He will take those words and use them for His glory. I'm an imperfect human, and I will make mistakes. But He's a perfect God, and He will cause all things to work for good. Praise God for that!
Saturday, December 15, 2007
You want advise from me????
Posted by Heather at 2:04 PM
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3 comments:
I remember, when the kids were little, someone in our church was teaching a class on parenting. At that point in the "teacher's" life, she didn't have kids and didn't show any outside signs that she even liked them. Needless to say, we didn't attend the class. Now- if she'd had some experience to work from, then that would have been different. Experiencing life (and parenthood) is a lot different than reading about it, and then being "an expert". You and Michael have shown a lot of wisdom in how you have parented your boys. It shows everytime we're around them. It also shows when we're "out and about" and see/hear how other kids are behaving - or aren't.
Mom D
Heather,
I enjoyed your observations about growing up. It's a continual process that never seems to end. I remember reaching 30 and realizing I wasn't a kid anymore. At fifty we started pastoring NTB and were treated like kids by the older folks. Working at the legislature, I feel like a novice in many ways (lots of very bright people there), so don't feel very grown up. Yet I've had enough experience to feel at home with myself even when I consider myself too inexperienced to be around some folks.
Like Florence, I have been blessed to see your joy in being parents and how much of yourselves you invest in your children. Regarding not feeling "expert" enough to talk or write about what you have learned--we all speak out of what experience we have, and, as you acknowledge, as we are sensitive to God's voice and participate in his work in us, we are able to speak and write beyond ourselves, and God seems to touch others with his life through us. It's amazing to experience, isn't it.
Gary/Grandpa
Heather, just remember the verse that was prayed over you and Michael at your wedding: 1 Timothy 4:12. I think you and Michael are excellent examples of what it means to be a good parent and a dedicated follower of Jesus.
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